I swear my dog is crazy. Aaron has been out of town for a couple of days, which means Otto has been home alone during the day. Yesterday the poor pup was alone for 10 hours when I got stuck in traffic coming home.

Unfortunately, the result of him being home alone is that he gets bored. And has pent up energy. So when mommy comes home, it's all "look at me, look at me." I tried yesterday, I really did. I sat on the floor and played tug of war, we had lovely walks, more tug of war. But then I had to do work, and he made sure that I didn't sit down for more than 30 seconds at a time. He nosed into every piece of paper within reach. He barked. He ran around. He nosed more. He chewed up paper. He barked.

I finally stuck him in his crate, where he sat quietly. And then started whining. And whining. And whining. Then the yips started. Then a few barks for good measure.

Tonight it was even worse. He seemed happy when I came home, and we went for a nice walk. I fed him his very expensive, gourmet dog food. Then I had to get on the phone and Aaron's computer for a while, and unbeknownst to me, Otto was sneaking in and stealthily grabbing CD after CD. I went into the living room and found the discs scattered all around, one of which was completely broken and chewed up. A Star Trek video game, which made Aaron moan "Oooohhh nooooo!" when I called and told him.

btw, that freaking Dominoes' commercial? A doorbell rings at the end. Every. Single. Time. Do they not know what doorbells do to dogs?

He was being so naughty and irritating that I decided we needed to go back out for a Dog Whisperer style walk. That means no sniffing, no piddling, short leash, just force him to keep walking in a straight line and focus only the exercise.

That would have been awesome, except that I ordered vegan Thai food for delivery. That's how you know Aaron isn't in town. Vegan Thai. After several minutes of walking, I peeked back in the apartment building and sure enough the delivery guy was inside. I should add that I had a bag of poop in my hand.

So we go inside, Otto still hyper, and he freaks out at the sight of a woman in the hallway and the delivery guy by the door. I had to wrestle his 10 pound body into the apartment, barking all the way (him, not me). I shut him up in a room so I could deal with the delivery guy, and I swear the dog was slamming his body against the door, howling like someone was pulling out his toenails.

Let's keep in mind, that I'm dealing with the delivery guy (who was very young and cool) with a bag of poop in my hands. I did manage to put it down on the table, which was even more unpleasant in theory.

So I took him out for another brisk Dog Whisperer walk. I don't think it worked. When we got back he ate my checkbook and he's currently eating a coaster. Fortunately it's not a coaster that I like.